Happy New Year 2020

I came back from the United States recently.
Had a wonderful trip there meeting my SO and his finally.
I have become fond of the place.
Hoping to go again next time.
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Getting a pass

After two months, I finally got my US Visa.
Might be planning to go there to visit my SO soon.
I'm too tired now but so excited.
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Half Year !

It is already June!
Where did the time go?
A lot of things have happened.

Last January, my SO came to Malaysia to visit me.
I also introduced him to my father and it went well.
Things are serious between the two of us.
Next step is to meet his family.
My father has allowed me to travel to USA this summer.
Right now I'm applying for visa.
Here's hoping that I will get that visa!

Work wise is alright.
My boss and colleague are very supportive people.
Even though it is just the 3 of us, I feel like it is better than before.
Enjoying the 7am/7:30am to 4pm/4:30pm shift!
I need to plan my weekends properly and be more productive.

Raya is another few days!
I'll go back to kampung during eve of Raya just with my father and kid brother.
My mother and brother will be going back today!
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I want to die

So tired of everything.
I'm only 28 years old and can't wait for everything to be over.
Tired of work.
Tired of relationship.
Just tired...

More to come hopefully.
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Being dead is the only option or what

I'm at my limit.
Home doesn't feel homely.
Work is terrible.
Relationship suck.
If all fail, I think I'm just going to go far away from everyone.
Take a break.
Or just don't come back at all.
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I think it is selfish of my SO for thinking he is the only despairing for whatever shit he did.
He kept saying he fucked up.
Well fine if you fucked up.
But telling me to leave him is really fucked up too.
He doesn't want to tell me what happened.
Selfishly thinking that this affected him only.
I asked him if he is this fucked up, why didn't he tell me last year?
Before we start going out?
Selfishly saying he has been nothing but honest with me?
Well what the fuck is honesty?
Something cheap you can tell people?
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Happy Late New Year !

This new year I celebrated with the SO.
We last met was in August 2017 and it has been soooo long!
Long distance relationship is tough.
It was really fun meeting him again and I HATE WINTER.
So friggin cold and always make me shivering...

Anyway, a real update.
I've gained back my weight by 10kgs.
Sucks right? I know.
OK I did most of everything right only one thing!
Eating. I had a very strict diet.
I mean, I still ate rice and sweets but damn I was really proud of my discipline that time.
So now I'm trying to lose back that 10kgs plus 5kgs.
But with the right process especially eating.
The good thing now is that I eat vegetables (broccoli, Japanese cucumber, spinach).
I don't eat in a lot of quantities but I still eat them...

So I've been learning Front-end web development.
It has been very interesting.
Hoping it can help with my future job hunting.

Happy New Year!
My wish for this year is to finally get married, get thinner, learn front-end web development!
Most importantly get thinner and learning.
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